Postcards From J

It's been about four days since I returned from Milan, Italy. While being back home and at work has already swamped me, I can't help thinking of this Italian adventure I got to embark on. 17 days across cities that breathe history, art, architecture, culture, religion and so much more! 17 days of fun (and exhaustion) accompanied by two women who kept me on my toes, literally and otherwise. In a nutshell, my itinerary read like this eventually: Rome-Vatican City-Naples-Florence-Pisa-Milan-Nice-Monaco-Cannes-Milan-Verona-Milan. It seems whirlwind but I think we managed a good pace and never really had to worry about missing something - even if we did.  Of course, the full credit goes to Fi, who planned the entire itinerary right down to the places we should eat at. And because she had already been living in Italy for a year and knew the language and her way around Italians, it was a massive help. Lo and I just followed instructions. I whined about the walking. Got mad a few time...

It's less than two hours to a brand new year. 2018! Gosh, isn't that something? Why did I decide to sit in front of a laptop and type this? I don't know. And no, I didn't even have some major breakthrough to talk about either.  Has it been a great year? Ummm... in bits and pieces. Like most of my recent years. What defines a "great year" anyway? 365 days of being happy? Can anyone ever claim to be happy or fulfilled every day of the year? Okay, I'm rambling now. Before I sign out, here are some highlights of 2017: - I grew up. Yes, I lived alone for the most part and I learned what 'adulting' really was. I have lived alone for a while now, but this year was really the test. During 2015-16, there was a lot going on. I travelled to a few countries on work and also for holidays in 2015 and the next year, the family was down as my niece was born here and that was the major focus for everyone at home. And then September 2016, the family vani...

There's a fine line between joking with someone and targetted harassment. Never forget that.  ~j~

Take a chill pill and maybe some of these too! (Image Source: Unknown; Don't sue me!) In no particular order: # Listen to some upbeat music and sing your favourite lyrics out loud. # Or just DANCE - even if you have two left feet like mine. Here's my current jam: # Think of parents, family, friends, just about anyone who loves you - pretty much unconditionally. # Read old, funny IM conversations you've had with your favourite people. Like the ones I have with Lo and DC... So much entertainment!  (Thank God for search functionality within chat apps) # Check out the Instagram 'Explore' tab and discover interesting people and their feeds. Some of the super accounts I follow: mumbaipaused , marsder , petesouza . Go, check them out NOW. # Dream of Japan.  (Insert your own dream destination.) Somewhere along the Hanshin Expressway, Kobe - Japan | December 2015 # Count your blessings. Be grateful. EVERY DAY. # Pray. Without an agenda...

Life - and the world wide web - have a funny way of throwing answers at you when certain questions plague your very existence. From one of the zillion newsletters I signed up for, here's a quote that spoke straight to me: "You may think that taking a detour in life is a waste of time and energy, but you can also see the detour as a means of learning more about who you are and where you are heading in your life. Being off the beaten path may be disorienting and confusing at times, yet it challenges your creative spirit to discover new and different ways to get back home, into your heart; for your heart is your real home." -- Andreas Moritz Maybe it's time. Time for that detour. 

Note to self, perhaps?   Picture courtesy: Random post on Facebook In under three weeks from now, half of 2013 will be over. I hate it when time flies so quickly and nothing of note has transpired in one's life. Travel plans are so scattered right now. :( And then... I found myself reading this piece on a young woman driving all across India in a Nano. Solo. Brave lady, fun trip. And it's left me depressed. Sigh. Then, of course, my own struggles with a few things at the moment. Clarity, where art thou?  Hope the rain earlier this week didn't dampen your spirits. Can't crib too much anyway considering we are dependent on rain water for survival in this country. But yes, you could blame all the disasters on good old BMC. May I have my tax money back? Thanks. ~j~

From "It's late. I insist on driving you home." to "Is it ok if I drop you halfway?" From "Call/text me as soon as you reach home." to "Do you want to take the train?" From "I've taken down the rickshaw number. Please get home safe." to "How are you going home?" and then not even checking if I boarded some public transport. Should've seen it coming. --- NOTE: Logged in to my Tumblr account after ages and found this post in my Drafts there. No clue when I wrote this. Must have been a really long time ago. And yes, it was titled 'Relationshit' originally.

So many things: Desperately need to hire talent. Good Great talent. People who can write... Write well. Without silly mistakes. Grammatically correct sentences. No typos. Relevant punctuation. Find my life's calling. Or have I found it already? Travel. A bit of a distant dream at the moment, but need to plan and figure this out for 2012. Write. Nay, attempt serious writing. About experiences, work, business, social media, my observations. Too unsure about this. Travel *and* write? Get going. Make the time. Take a leap of faith. Get rid of the exhaustion. Meet more people. Learn from them. Look for alternatives. Turn those crazy ideas into actual concrete plans. Words swimming in my head. And these words need to become actions. Strong actions. No apology. No regrets.

"Go for hurried baths, and then forget all about hurrying. Take midnight showers. Turn off the light and stand in the water." These words by Natasha Badhwar in one of her parenting columns keep turning up in my head every now and then. Even though I'm not a parent, I love the way she writes and I can still relate to most things she writes about. Coming back to the quote above, I generally end up taking midnight showers because I get home quite late and I quite like feeling clean before I can nod off to sleep. But tonight was only the second time I switched off the lights while taking a shower. The first time, it felt great, peaceful and relaxing. And last night as well. Except that I had an A-HA moment too where I learnt... 1. The darkness reduced the noise which all that artificial lighting brings. The only light I had was the hazy streetlight outside diffused by the frosted glass strips on the bathroom window. 2. I felt more aware of where things were...

I don't know what I'm doing here by trying to write. This week has been mixed. More 'down' than 'up'. And tonight just killed the little excitement I had for my upcoming travel plans. No, I don't want to talk about what really happened. Because, frankly, I do not know what it actually is, and how it came to be. In the space of a few minutes, opinion has swayed, known people became strangers, loyalty is being mistaken as rudeness. And all this is just not making sense. I've always strived to put others in the foreground. I hate the spotlight. Yet, some accusations were made which have left me terribly upset.  So, I'll try to sleep it off. The television's on, but there's nothing worth watching. Maybe I need to remind myself about the sun... it sets in the evening to rise the next day without fail. With vigour, with hope, with peace. Good night.

... of being brave. ... of having to tackle so many different things AND being expected to succeed at all of them. ... of expectation.   ... of no expectation. ... of being the go-to girl. ... of the potholes in Aarey that make my back ache. ... of noise, pollution, filth, humans. ... of not being able to run for a train like I used to since three and a half months. ... of feeling too scared to walk quickly, leave alone run. ... of being taken for granted. Every effing time. ... of playing too safe. ... of making travel plans in my head.  ... of dreaming too small. ... of giving. And forgiving. ... of well-meaning "advice" (go to the ortho; get your thyroid checked; lose weight; stop eating junk; don't work so many hours; don't socialise so much; save money; get married). ... of life. Soon. Sent from my iPod Touch

The exhaustion from all the Sunday packing and shifting has taken its toll - been rather low and under the weather since the weekend. This morning was a real bitch... Imagine waking up with a pinched nerve in the leg! The pain was unbelievable. Add to it the fact that the home Internet connection has been disconnected and I'm grumpy about that. Now imagine living without the www!!!  I mean, I barely get home around 10-11pm, have dinner, take a shower and sleep. The television remote is not under my control, and everyone gets pissed off if I stay up late to watch something that I want to. You see, the light (and not just the sound) from the TV disturbs everyone. So I've given up on most of my TV-channel-surfing. The Internet is my only saviour for any entertainment! But now, even that has temporarily betrayed me. Using my phone's GPRS is a solution, but trust me, once you get used to tweeting/facebooking/emailing/etc using a wifi connection, life's not the same. Worse, ...

Our Monday Managers' Meetings (MMM) now have a little interesting something to them. Each week, one of the managers is expected to run a small activity for the group. The activity could be anything - a game, a quiz, brainstorming for an idea, showcasing a video or slides on a relevant topic or something totally fun. At one such meeting, the following was the exercise: 1. Describe your biggest fear to the group, and what you do to counter it. 2. Also, mention one of your most memorable achievements ever. Both had me thinking hard. I'm sure I have fears - some even irrational - but for the life of me, I couldn't figure out what I was going to say. Finally, here's what I said: fear of falling. As in physically falling down. I do have this weird feeling that I might just fall flat on my face one day and end up with a terrible injury. I also remember waking up in the middle of the night sometimes to find my feet fighting for ground as I was dreaming of falling. How do I ...

Read this on a colleague's Facebook status: There's always a little truth behind every 'just kidding,' a little emotion behind every 'I don't care,' and a little pain behind every 'It's okay.' True?

A new month has already begun. What will it bring? An Easter blessing? Promise of a new beginning? Whatever it may bring, I pray for strength to fight my inner demons. Renewed hope so I may love again and live again. And for nerves of steel to overcome any challenges life may throw my way.  Add to it the 'serenity prayer' which I've always loved:  "God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,  courage to change the things I can,  and wisdom to know the difference."

To all those friends who called, sent text messages, tweeted, DM'd: THANK YOU for your concern. As most of you have learnt by now, I need time to figure some things out. My blog is the only place I can truly express myself without having to engage in mindless debate through the day or having to reduce a tweet into a rant soon forgotten. My heart may be a little broken, but it's very strong, and it will get over the hurt. I know it will. I chose to share this track by Lifehouse because the lyrics just kept playing in my head since that dreadful moment. I'm sure you'll relate to it as well . Even if you don't, enjoy the music. Lifehouse - Broken The broken clock is a comfort, it helps me sleep tonight Maybe it can stop tomorrow from stealing all my time I am here still waiting though i still have my doubts I am damaged at best, like you've already figured out I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing With a broken heart that's still beating ...

Have you ever felt your heart sink? Mine just did. Actually, it broke into pieces. Shredded. Like pieces of glass. And each shard is tearing into me deeper and deeper. I feel pain. Sorrow. But the tears are frozen. They won't flow. Why would you cause me pain? Have I ever been less of a friend to you? I've always defended you, worried about you, given you the importance you deserve (and don't deserve). And this is what I get in return? I wish I could be evil and inflict pain on you, but I can't. You don't deserve me. I hate you. And that's only because I love you way too much to let go. Can't breathe. Can't breathe.

The 2011 Cricket World Cup looms over my head... and the last couple of months have been exhausting and frustrating. Work is understandably hectic. I don't mind slogging away even if it means putting in 12-15 hours at the office with another 2-3 hours for the daily commute (Bombay traffic has become insane!). Home has become a hotel room. I walk in at night, only to find the lights out, everyone asleep, and then stare at a cold dinner to be microwaved. Finally try to sleep for barely five hours (six or seven, if I'm lucky). Back to the grind. Rinse. Repeat. What makes it worse, there's no one to talk to about my day. Except maybe for this one friend over GTalk or the occasional SMS or via Twitter. Which friend? Ah, someone who brought (brings?) sunshine to my life, and ensures I stay spirited. Until now. I know expectations can kill relationships. And maybe I'm just over-reacting. But I need the attention now more than ever because I feel like I'm just drownin...

This is the tweet and the ensuing responses that made me write that previous post: http://twitter.com/vodkaholic/status/30205186785939457 The responses: @rohanbabu: remember, your career is in YOUR hands. you decide what YOU want to do with it. take some time off and think :) @RachitaVaid: u need ice cream! Breathe gal! This shall pass too... @cyber_junkie: should expand areas of expertise and explore And my favourites of them all, @shawnlewis: come paint with me :) @the_realale: it's not work pressure! Maybe the universe is conspiring to make you a travel writer. Thanks, guys. You really cheered me up a little on a miserable day. And finally, a big thank you to @girishmallya who has been my guardian angel, punching bag, sounding board and friend all rolled into one. Twitter rocks because of people like you.

I'm not whining or being philosophical... But trust me, the last few days have only confirmed the fact that corporate life is shit. At the end of the day, what are you going to do with it?  We spend most of our lives in cubicles, behind a desk, in front of a screen. Or attending meetings or getting on a conference call. Throw buzz words around as if they mattered... 'paradigm shift', 'leverage', anyone? Try multitasking sometimes with success and sometimes failing miserably. Juggle Excel and PowerPoint files. Write emails. Receive emails. Copy a zillion people on those emails. Conduct wars virtually. Sometimes, we procrastinate. Either out of boredom or choice. Or lured by other addictions like Facebook and Twitter (ah!). Or check airfares and daydream about that next holiday you were meaning to take. Whatever it is, I've been wondering why the hell am I doing this day in and day out? There are people out there who have managed to change all this for themselv...