Wednesday, December 09, 2009

2009 reasons!

Yes, I've dropped the "postcard from j" prefix. Thought it's time I grew up.

After my last-minute August trip out of Bombay, I had resolved to blog often. If nothing else, the least I was expecting myself to do was update pictures on my photo-blog* and find an outlet of expression. But work and the attractions (and ease) of social media (read: Facebook, and of late, Twitter) ended up mocking my so-called resolve.

2009 is coming to a close. And I, for one, have HATED this year. Funnily, my reasons are beyond comprehension. 2009 came, sat around, and is now leaving, and somewhere inside me, I feel a sense of loss. A terrible sense of loss. I really don't know what I did with this year. It was supposed to be MY year when January came along. I promised myself that I will look after myself, make amends for my unhealthy lifestyle, find ways to make my life more meaningful, give more of my time to those who need it...

The only time I invested in me was that week-long escape from Mumbai. I clicked lots of photographs, ensured they were updated on the go through Facebook, got some rest, sampled good food, rummaged through a local market for traditional pickle jars... I absolutely loved that time even though it was a bit rushed.

And now that the months, weeks, days have flown past in no time, here I am... wondering why I let things be, why I never had ambition, why I never push myself to excel when I know I can...

Ok, I exaggerated with the "2009 reasons" title... but then, I've always sucked at self-motivation. I was never the one who wanted an insanely high "percentage" on my marksheet, never wanted to give CAT, GMAT, GRE, IELTS and a zillion other abbreviated examinations, never believed in competing and competition...

So, where does that leave me today? I stopped counting my age after I turned 26 (which probably happened in another lifetime). If someone asks me my age, I'm embarrassed to answer that. Not because of the number it is, but because I think I haven't achieved much to be at that age. And of course, being a single Indian woman (single by choice so far) brings its own share of grief.

Guess it's time. Time to stop brooding and making plans. Time to actually be alive and living those plans.

What does 2010 have in store for me? I don't know. But I want to welcome it with arms wide open and live my life to the fullest. There are a few good things that happened this year (probably a good idea for another blogpost) but the overall mood has been sombre.

As I await the final candles to blow out from the cake called 2009, I hope and pray that next year will be more fulfilling not just for me, but also for many of you. Whatever your hopes and dreams, may they all find their true destination.

PS: I've changed the look of this blog. Would love your feedback on the same... Suggestions to improve are welcome.


* I did post a few pictures on that photo-blog. Did you see them?

2 Replies:

Toon India said...

nice blog..will be back here!!

~j~ said...

@Toon India: Thanks for your comment!

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