Tuesday, August 02, 2011

Fear factor

Our Monday Managers' Meetings (MMM) now have a little interesting something to them. Each week, one of the managers is expected to run a small activity for the group. The activity could be anything - a game, a quiz, brainstorming for an idea, showcasing a video or slides on a relevant topic or something totally fun.

At one such meeting, the following was the exercise:
1. Describe your biggest fear to the group, and what you do to counter it.
2. Also, mention one of your most memorable achievements ever.

Both had me thinking hard.

I'm sure I have fears - some even irrational - but for the life of me, I couldn't figure out what I was going to say. Finally, here's what I said: fear of falling. As in physically falling down. I do have this weird feeling that I might just fall flat on my face one day and end up with a terrible injury. I also remember waking up in the middle of the night sometimes to find my feet fighting for ground as I was dreaming of falling.

How do I counter it? Interestingly, my answer was that I'm just more careful when I walk about in an effort to not fall. Sounds silly, I know.

And that's when it hit me. That's the kind of person I am. I am extremely cautious, not very spontaneous, and that tends to make me rigid. Not a fun person, as most would think :(

I double-check emails, text messages, Facebook status updates, tweets, blog posts... you name it, and only then they are sent/posted. That's why I'm slow to respond at times because while I can think on my feet, I am not be impulsive. I like to wait and watch. Which makes me wonder... How can I seek a balance? By taking more risks once in a while? How do I mentally prepare myself to become this person I do not know?

Watching Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara (ZNMD)* over the weekend made me smile. Made me think. Reminded me that I need to let go. Let go of fears. Of sad memories. Of people holding me back. 

Anyway, the point is... this is me. And while I have some major flaws, I don't think being cautious is such a bad thing. It has saved me and people associated with me many times from disastrous consequences. But I will try to take the road filled with risks sometime. Do something completely pointless because it just felt good without feeling any fear or guilt.

Life's too short, no?

PS: My most memorable achievement took me back to college when I won the prize for most outstanding undergraduate research paper for a particular programme. I was never an academic, and my paper was related to Hindu mythology which was totally Greek to me. Hence, the feeling of elation. Sadly, I need to start documenting achievements of my recent past. Can't seem to recall many.

*ZNMD is a recommended watch. There are some moments which will remind you of your own life. As my friend Dan said, the three main characters brought their own baggage on that trip. And yes, Farhan Akhtar is brilliant in it. Also, listen to the music and Javed Saab's poetry being recited. Refreshing.


2 Replies:

Lobotrix said...

*hugs* reading this made me realise that I always considered you anything but cautious. You are definetely more lively than me :)

~j~ said...

Awwww, you mantal woman! You sure know how to cheer me up ;)

Thanks! *hugs*

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